Recently there has been a big change that has taken place in our family. My hubby’s parents, who used to live 15 minutes from us, now live about 12 hours away. And I am sure for some of you there would be rejoicing at the news of your in-laws moving further away but not me. I have been blessed with some amazing in-laws. Don’t get me wrong they are nutty and have driven me crazy at times, but I love them and they love me.
So when they shared that they felt they were supposed to be moving shortly after our daughter was born, I was really hurt. And in true Morgan form, that hurt revealed itself as anger. It took me a couple of weeks - months to get to a place where I felt like I could share my feelings with my momma-in-law. I just had Allie and between the hospital stay and all the wonderful post-partum feelings it took me a bit to figure out what was going on and how to have a conversation. But I knew I had to because I could feel myself putting up walls and I didn’t want that. I wanted and still want my in-laws to go wherever they feel Christ is calling them. But that didn’t stop the hurt that I was feeling or how unfair it felt.
Because there wasn’t much that I was able to envision about Allie while she was growing in my womb. I couldn’t see what she would look like or guess at how she would behave, but I did see her growing up with grandparents close to her. My husband’s parents to be exact because they were only 15 minutes down the road. My dad and step-mom live over an hour away and Allie does get to see them on a monthly basis. And my mom lives hours away in another state, so visits often aren’t really an option there. But I could see Allie being very close to my in-laws and them adoring her. And I was so right.
Since the week we brought Allie home, she has seen her Nonna and Pop Pop at least once a week if not twice. On the days where I just needed to get out of the house and needed support with Allie, I would drive to their house. Then as Allie grew it turned into a playdate during the day and our weekly dinner date
after my hubby got home from work. Due to our family being scattered, Allie has only gotten to have her Nonna & Pop Pop and then my sister’s family in her life on a weekly basis. These are her people, her little village. Her homes away from home. Places where she needs no time to warm-up and get into mischief because she is just there so often.
And now at almost a year and a half all of that is changing and it breaks my heart for her. My heart breaks at what all of us are going to miss. Allie is changing and growing at lighting speed, at least it feels that way. Every day she is doing something new, saying more words, and more of her beautiful personality coming out. And though capturing those moments on video and in pictures are great, it’s not the same as experiencing them in person for any of us. I’m going to miss watching Allie make her many faces for her Pop Pop because she knows it makes him laugh, something she doesn’t do for anyone else. I’m going to miss hearing her talk to her Nonna and giving more kisses to Pop Pop while making eyes at her Nonna because she is a little stinker. I hope and pray that all of these behaviors don’t go away because Allie isn’t seeing them on a weekly basis now. Though I am preparing myself for that, and praying that I am wrong.
Amidst the tears and lack of understanding at why this change is taking place, I have to trust that Jesus knows what He is doing. That Jesus is doing all of this for His glory and our good. Again, another season of Allie’s life deepening my faith and trust in Jesus. I still want the Lord’s will at the end of the day because it always works out, even though it rarely makes sense to me in the moment. God knows what the last page of the story holds for me, Al lie, my hubby, my in-laws, and all of us. So though there are many tears and I am sure even more to come in the future, because that’s me, I will rest in the truth that God has all of us in His hands.
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