Right before my hubby and I decided to not prevent ourselves from getting pregnant my grandma, Mimi, died. She lost her war against cancer, though she won many battles along the way, the last battle she was too tired to fight, so God called her home. I struggled with her death and with God telling me it was time for her to go home, because I wasn’t ready. To be fair, there wouldn’t have been a time that I would have been ready. I would have kept my Mimi here with me as long as possible, but going home to heaven, to no longer be in pain or having to continue fighting against cancer was what was best for her and was not about me. And though it has been a few years since she passed, I still miss her like crazy and have the urge to call her while driving home from the grocery store.
When we found out we were pregnant, I became angry again with God because my baby wouldn’t have the chance to meet or know her Great-Mimi. It wasn’t fair, I was so close to her and yet, my daughter wouldn’t have the chance to be held or rocked by her. But God being the good Father that He is, brought Mimi to me throughout my pregnancy and still to this day through our daughter.
During my first trimester one of my first weird cravings was cottage cheese, pickles, and pepper on crackers. And yes, I know this sounds gross but it was so good and honestly I would just eat cottage cheese out of the container during that time. Then during the second and third trimester of my pregnancy I craved a good glazed doughnut or a cruller, which are the farthest thing from my usual choice in donuts. Each of these cravings made me feel like my Mimi was with me because they were some of her favorite foods, cottage cheese, glazed donuts, and crullers. I would tell family and close friends that our daughter must have been kissed by Mimi before she made her way into my belly. Then after Allie came home and was dealing with colic, the only noise that would soothe her was the vacuum. And yes, I know that is a common noise to soothe babies with colic but it brought my Mimi close to me again because that woman loved a good vacuum like nobody’s business. As Allie has continued to grow her love for the vacuum, mop, and really all cleaning in this home has grown. I cannot vacuum, mop, or clean without her wanting to help me. And though it makes the whole cleaning process a lot longer, it brings Mimi into those moments. I get to tell Allie all the time, how much she reminds me of her great-Mimi and her love of cleaning.
So though Allie won’t get to be held by Mimi or rocked by her, there is a lot of Mimi in that little girl and I get the joy of sharing that with her every chance I get. I don’t know if you lost a family member and have this same struggle but if you do I hope that you are blessed to see glimpses of that person within your baby. I know for me it has brought tears of joy being able to see glimpses of Mimi within Allie and share about her great-Mimi with her.
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