Giving In Isn't An Option

A few months ago, maybe 4, we had a shooter incident near our home. And it completely rattled both myself and my hubby. When we bought our home it was only the third house on the street and we are still surrounded by woods on all sides. Just this week I had a Bobcat, Golden Eagle, snakes, opossums, and bunny rabbits in our yard. Like we are out in the sticks kind of rural, but where the grocery store is still only 5 minutes away. So when we came home that Thursday night from having dinner with my hubby’s family and saw the block up from us full of flashing red and blue lights and taped off, we were beyond shocked! After we put Allie to bed we heard from our neighbor that a person who only lived one block down and up from our home started walking up and down their street that evening and was shooting a gun off into the air. We also heard that there may have been shots fired off at the folks who lived on that street but we are not 100% certain of that. We do know when the Sheriff's office arrived to contain the situation, they were shot at immediately. 

It wasn’t until the next morning that we saw a picture on the news of who had been doing the shooting that really shook us to our core. The person that had been doing the shooting, my hubby, was only a hundred feet away from the night before. I had asked him to take Allie for a walk so I could finish up dinner. And while he was on that walk, he saw the guy just a little ways ahead of him and said that he was screaming something at him or maybe the car that was parked in front of his house, but he didn’t stick around to find out. However, knowing our daughter was that close to this individual caused us both to have our moments of panic. 

It caused my hubby to start thinking through what he would have done if the shooting had started the night he was walking. It’s not a super quick process to remove a baby from a stroller nor run away evasively while steering a stroller. Now for me, those scenarios are ones that I had played out in my head a lot, especially while I was in the thick of postpartum. So for me, I had to deal with the crippling anxiety that made me never want to leave my home, while also making it feel like the walls of my home were closing in on me. 

I had to once again come to terms that our beautiful and sweet daughter was born into a world that is fallen and is only going to get worse until it is time for Jesus to return. At that moment though, all I wanted to do was close all the blinds, confirm all doors were securely locked, and never leave the house again. But I knew giving into the fear wouldn’t produce any good fruits. None of us are called to live this life isolated and alone, though it can really feel safer that way. So to combat the fear I did the only option I knew would prevent me from giving into the fear and I took Allie for a walk in our neighborhood. I asked the Lord for His protection to be around us, as I always do before we leave our home, and I walked past the crime scene tape. I don’t know about you, but for me, the more I put off something that scares me the harder it is to get it done. I knew that if I took Allie to the park for her afternoon walk, it would make trying to walk in our neighborhood the next day that much harder. 

So though I was terrified and every rustling of leaves made me jump during that walk, I am so glad that I did it. And as much as having this incident happen so close to our home sucks, it reminds me that safety and protection comes from the Lord. Me, my family, and home are protected by the Lord and we do our part to keep ourselves safe from this world but we are not in control of other people. I have to trust that the Lord will grant me His discernment and wisdom to make the best choices to keep Allie safe in any situation. 

And now, I can look back and see a scenario where Jesus kept my family safe. That grants me a peace that is not easily shaken. I hope it also gives you peace as well. It is hard being a momma in the world we live in and it’s a part of our role to show our babies how to move through the fear, no matter how hard that might be.