Weighted 1st

Maybe this is just a me thing, and if it is, that is completely okay… 

Does it feel like every decision with your first born child is a big deal? Or is that really just a me thing? Because to me every first and new level we enter with our baby girl feels so heavy. For example, Allie has been walking for about a month and last week I noticed that she was trying really hard to put on my sandals and walk around. So that let me know that she was probably ready to start wearing shoes and with her love of being outdoors and the summer right around the corner, shoes are a must. But what shoes should be her first shoes? There are a plethora of options today and research going ten ways to Sunday on why this particular type of shoe is the best option for your toddlers developing foot. Why are there so many options? Was it this hard for our parents to decide on what shoe they got us when it was time? Or is this the downside to having all the information at your fingertips? Personally I am going to go with it being the downside of the internet, there is such a thing as having too many options! But I digress. 

When I was little my mom got me StrideRites and both my hubby and I like brands that have been tried and tested for years and remained steady. So I went on Amazon and started looking at the different shoes available but I had no idea what size foot Allie had? I knew the hand-me-down shoes we had gotten were too small for her feet but I didn’t know how to measure her foot? Did they have those metal foot size thingies that I stepped on as a kid or the foot measuring carpets for 1 year olds? So I did the only thing I could think of and took her to Walmart to try on different size shoes to see which one fit the best. But when we got there all we could find were the baby shoes and children shoes. 

As we are looking around the shoe section in Walmart all I can think of is how ridiculous this is. Why is getting Allie’s first pair of shoes and getting it right so important?!? Why does every new thing feel like I only have two options, get it right or complete failure? Where is the middle option of just doing my best and adjusting as needed? It is just shoes for crying out loud. 

We of course did find the shoes that would fit her feet, right next to men’s sneakers, because that’s the place I’d go for toddler shoes. And of course the shoe sizes at Walmart did not line up with the shoe sizes of StrideRites because that’d be too easy. But Allie has shoes and that is the most important thing because now we can run through the splash pad and explore outdoors as much as she likes without having to worry about her little feet getting hurt. 

I just wish it didn’t have to be this stressful. I am sure if/when we feel the nudging to have a second child all of these firsts will come much easier because it will be the child’s first but not ours, we’d be a little more seasoned in our parenting. But for right now I am a new mom and I wish there was a way to take off the pressure of getting it wrong and permanently screwing up our daughter now! I am pretty sure that the stress I felt in getting her shoes won’t matter in a few days from now and will have me laughing at my ridiculous self. How do I get those moments to feel lightened when it is happening and not days or weeks later? Maybe I need to remind myself of what is really important. Does Allie know in that moment that she is loved, wanted, and safe? Is my reactionary butt compromising any of those three items because I am afraid of getting the wrong pair of shoes, is that really worth it? No, it’s not. I can always get another pair of shoes and will get plenty of them as her feet grow. So if these shoes aren’t the best ones for her feet, then I have plenty of time to adjust. However, the marks on a heart caused by questioning if she is loved, wanted, and safe are not marks that go away quickly or easily. I hope that as Allie’s long list of firsts continues to arise as she grows I will be able to take a second and pause to remind myself what is really important in that moment.