I am fighting an ear infection right now. So I can’t really hear so well out of my left ear and though the pain has subsided a bit I still have lots of pressure. This infection has just kicked my butt and made me really slow down. Which of course led to a whole breakdown on Sunday night because I felt like I was failing and letting down my family because I am not able to do all the things that I feel I should be doing.
And this isn’t due to a couple of days of being under the weather but weeks of having one physical alignment after the other. From being sick, to throwing out my back, to being sick again, and now an ear infection. I have been able to fight through the sicknesses and keep up my internal checklist of to-do items. But throwing out my back and this ear infection left me angry and crying on my hubby’s shoulders.
Again I am forced to look at my internal checklist and measure them against what is really important right now.
Have I once again added items to my list that I didn’t need nor called to do?
Have I stopped asking my hubby for help?
Have I stopped asking for help in general?
Am I trying to be a super-wife, mom, and all around Proverbs 31 woman?
Has the idea of who I want to be versus what I’ve been called to be, running the show?
Is it my pride and strong sense of independence?
Or is it fear that asking for help means I am failing and burdening others?
I am trying to do it all right now. My recovering perfectionist, has taken a step out of recovery and is running full speed ahead. I want to be the best helper that I can be to my hubby. The best momma I can be to Allie. The best support to other women within the church. And the best student that I can be while in the leadership program at our church.
If your head is spinning just reading this list, now you are in good company as is mine and I wrote the dang thing.
I am not called to get everything right or to be perfect. It is actually in my weakness where Christ’s strength has the opportunity to shine, as it says in
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10 CSB
“9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. 10 So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
For when I am weak, then I am strong. What amazing words to read. And completely counter cultural to the world today. I don’t want to show Allie that you can do it all by yourself. Though I am sure that little girl could do it all on her own. She’s got a strong will and is a force to be reckoned with.
Doing it on your own is lonely and a whole lot harder.
Yes, there will be seasons where she may feel like she is running on “E” and having no idea how she keeps moving forward. I’m in that season right now, even with the perfectionist in recovery. I can’t imagine there is a momma out there in the toddler weeds not feeling that way. But turning my focus inwards to what I can do instead of asking the Lord what He would like me to do, doesn’t turn my weakness into strength. It only highlights how human I am and that I need sleep and food to function. Crazy how coffee doesn’t fix both of those items.
Momma if you are running on “E” and snapping at everyone and everything that moves within your home, I encourage you to take a pause. Set aside some time, though it feels like you don’t have any and look at your internal to-do list. Are there items on there that you’ve added but weren’t called to do. Have you stopped asking for help, because you can do it all, though doing it all is making you crazy?
If you are like me, I came out pretty crazy and don’t need any additional help. If there are items that you can delegate or set aside for a season do it. Of course including your hubby and family in on these decisions.
If you are in a season where you can’t remove any items and running on “E” is the only option for the foreseeable future, maybe reach out for help. Or ask a close friend to lend an ear and offer a hug for moral support. We don’t have to do this season of mommahood on our own. I understand it feels easier and safer to just tuck in and knock all the items off our list, but the crazy thing about to-do lists is that they only continue to grow. There will always be items left unmarked for today and waiting to start the list off tomorrow and that’s okay. Don’t be fooled by the lie that with a little less sleep and sacrificing personal time you can get it all done.
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great message