In the Most Beautiful Way

I’ve got to be honest with you mommas, this has been a tough week. I am not sure if it is pre-period hormones kicking in or that we’ve been a bit more housebound this week but I am feeling the funk. Feeling like who I was before is just gone and I am only a shell of the person that I was before becoming a wife and a momma. Whatever parts of me may have remained after getting married have just been blended up and strained right out in these past couple of years of being a momma. 

These feelings can make me question if being a wife and a momma is really worth it? To lose myself and if constantly putting myself at the bottom of the to-do list is really worth it. Then comes the guilt, that I would dare to question or struggle with the people I prayed for, for so long. And after those waves of emotions I just feel empty, sad, and like trash. 

But I don’t care to feel this way. I learned through counseling that feelings are not good or bad, feelings just are. Feelings are in existence. They are meant to be a tool but not a driving force. And with these feelings being so strong this week, I did the one thing that makes sense, I prayed. I asked God to help me understand why I was feeling this way. 

And what came to mind was all the words I had been speaking over myself this past week. Every time I had to do what was in the best interest of Allie or the newborn I am watching I would say…

• “It’s fine, my needs don’t matter.”
• “It’s okay, the baby come first.”
• “What you need is more important than what I need.”
• “I don’t matter right now, that’s fine.”

No wonder by Friday I felt like junk and exhausted. All week I had been telling myself I don’t matter and to suck it up buttercup. Instead of saying to myself….

• “It’s okay that this is hard, you’re doing a good job.”
• “Good job, momma, your baby’s needs are met.”
• “Look at that comfort you’re giving, woohoo.”
• “You’re doing your best to honor God in who He has called you to be, that’s all that matters.”

The role of submitting to a hubby and pouring out so much in raising our baby girl isn’t easy. But it isn’t one that I have to do on my own strength or capacity. Scripture shares how God is with us and equips us.

Isaiah 41:10 NKJV, 

“Fear not, for I am with you;

Be not dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you,

Yes, I will help you,

I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’”

Philippians 4:10, 

“ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

I don’t know about you but I have to remember these truths and tap into them daily. Whatever amount of time it may be in the day, I need to spend some time in the Word and pray constantly throughout the day. It is only then that I am not relying on my own strength and am reminded of the beautiful opportunity that I have in being a wife and a momma. I get to be a helper to my hubby and daughter in two different yet, important ways. 

If you too have been feeling like junk and have been repeating to yourself, “Suck it up Buttercup.” I encourage you to trade in those thoughts for scripture from a God who loves you, calls you, and equips you for so much more. In the most beautiful and relieving way, this isn’t about you but what God is doing through you, if you’ll let Him.