I have come to the conclusion this weekend that mommas are just not allowed to be sick or injured in any way.
Friday I managed to pull my back out. And I’d love to say it was while working out or chasing my feral daughter around the house but no, nothing like that. I pulled my back out picking up a pillow to make our bed. Picking up that dang pillow is when I felt the twitch and then the uncomfortable tingles go across my lower back. It wasn’t horrible so I didn’t think it would be a crippling issue but oh boy was I wrong. About 30 minutes later when I went to go get Allie, I noticed I couldn’t stand up all the way. Then when I picked her up out of the crib and transitioned her onto the changing table I almost buckled under the pain. I barely got her down from the diaper changer.
Unfortunately as time passed the pain grew, as did my inability to move. Though the pain was excruciating, it was nothing compared to watching Allie breaking down in tears because she had asked me multiple times to hold her and I had said I couldn’t. I’ve tried to stay very consistent with picking Allie up anytime
she has asked to be held. And my heart shattered right alongside hers as she cried. I tried to explain to her that momma had a boo boo on her back and that I really wanted to hold her but I just couldn’t. That was something my baby girl could not understand. So despite the pain I managed to get myself down on the floor so at least I could fully wrap my arms around her, which she accepted though it wasn’t what she wanted. Thankfully my hubby was able to get coverage at work and come home, which helped both of us tremendously. And I'd like to say the worst part of me throwing my back out was over. But around 2am the following morning as I was struggling to get comfy and I chucked my ice packs across the living room and dining room as I burst into tears asking my hubby how was I going to mom with my back like this? And I proceeded to go down the well worn track in my brain that shouts all the way I am failing as a momma, once again. All I kept hearing in my head was how are you going to be a momma, let alone a good one, if you can’t even walk? Allie deserves and needs a momma who is functioning. Not to mention that you still are needed by your husband and have responsibilities within the house. I felt like such a burden and a slacker to my family.. I want to be the best momma and the idea of not being able to do the bare minimum was crushing.
Through my tears I just kept apologizing to my hubby. He reminded me that this was not my fault and I had to give my body time to heal. The next morning my sister gave me the same advice, along with the reminder of the countless times she threw out her back with all of her kiddos. She reminded me that she once threw out her back by simply getting out of bed in the morning. Also, to be kind to myself because there is so much my body has gone through between pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and holding Allie all the time that throwing my back out while doing simple things is going to happen. I still don’t think it’s fair that mommas are allowed to get sick or hurt while caring for their children.
Wouldn’t it just be so great that there was a law or hedge of protection that prohibited those ailments from ever happening? If that was the case I would have missed out on all the care and support I got from not only my hubby, sister, and close friends but also from our church family. I sent out a text requesting prayer the day it happened and when we were at church on Sunday I can’t count the number of people that stopped me to ask how I was feeling or the number of texts I got checking in on me throughout the weekend. If you have been feeling the nudging to get back to church and have been putting it off, please don’t wait any longer. Go back this week and enjoy service from the family room, nursing room, or having your baby go into the nursery. Get back into the body of Christ. Getting back to church was one of the best decisions we’ve made in a very long time.
As this weekend is drawing to a close and my back is finally getting better. I must give all mommas a lesson I have learned the hard way. If you do throw your back out in the future and the floor appears to be comfy and sleeping on it may seem like the best idea…DON’T DO IT!!!! I woke up three hours later to my whole body in pain and my hubby having to help pick me off the floor like I was a woman in her 80’s that had fallen and couldn’t get back up. Learn this lesson from me ladies, don’t sleep on the floor, period!
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